can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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