His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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