How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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