Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize