oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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