he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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