trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
