Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
