I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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