I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize