You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
