while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
