hell yes lets make some ravioli
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
