Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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