Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
All I want is dick and wine.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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