my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
