Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
