It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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