dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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