My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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