he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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