I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
