I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
