he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
