I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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