Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
