Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
