i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
