I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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