Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
