Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
