i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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