"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
