Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
