I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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