Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
