Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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