Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
