I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we made out on top of his cat.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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