got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
