if i died would you start the facebook group?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
