How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
