and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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