Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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