look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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