god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
