bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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