mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
