Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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