Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
