I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she peed on how many people?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
