Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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