Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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