Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
