whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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