Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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