I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize