alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
