It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
