I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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