Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
