My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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