I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
