I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Someone signed my nipple.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
