Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
