Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize