you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
