dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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