i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
