I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
